08.11.05 Punchlines & Meteors

These are taken from the current issue of Time magazine:

• "A lightsaber used in the original Star Wars was bought for $200,000 at a recent auction. The buyer wishes to remain anonymous and a virgin." --CONAN O'BRIEN
  
• "President Bush had his physical a couple days ago, and doctors say that President Bush is likely our most fit President in the history of the United States. That means if anything happens to Cheney, he can jump in and take over." --DAVID LETTERMAN
  
• "Some sad news--King Fahd of Saudi Arabia has died. In respect, the Saudi royal family lowered their flag and raised their oil prices." --JAY LENO

This just in...
Perseid Meteor Shower tomorrow morning

08.10.05 - Not much Happening Here

Well, there is not a whole lot that I am going to post here, I think I will go to my other blog seeing that I'm in the city today. I would like to bring my camera in next time and document my journey. That could be interesting.
-phil

08.06.05 - 5 1/2 years gone to pot

Ok, it happened. My wife went into the city for the night and I did something that I have not done for over 5 years. Before you start to think what I think you may think, I am still master of my domain. I smoked some pot. Well, the cat is out of the bag. And you know what, aside from it making me paranoid, I enjoyed it. My brother came out from the city and my wife went in to the city, sort of duel sleepovers. My brother 'scored some grass man' (I think that's what they say now a days) and we scored a couple of thick sirlion steaks and scored some salads too. I must say that overall, it was fun. We played guitars for hours and feasted on some seriously delicious steaks. Now I do not promote doing drugs, they are bad for you and cause a lot of damage, but since I can't have a beer (medical reasons), I figured what the f*ck. As some habits die hard, I did not get to the liberry (that's for you KHM) so I did not get my book for my homework assignment. I have a feeling mr. schprock is going to give me either detention or extra homework.

PS-My wife knows I did this, now I have to make dinner everynight for two weeks as punishment!

08.05.05 'What I Believe' by steve martin

What I Believe.

• "I believe in rainbows and puppy dogs and fairy tales.
• And I believe in the family - Mom and Dad and Grandma.. and Uncle Tom, who waves his penis.
• And I believe 8 of the 10 Commandments.
• And I believe in going to church every Sunday, unless there's a game on.
• And I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, wholesome and natural things.. that money can buy.
• And I believe it's derogatory to refer to a woman's breasts as "boobs", "jugs", "winnebagos" or "golden bozos".. and that you should only refer to them as "hooters".
• And I believe you should put a woman on a pedestal.. high enough so you can look up her dress.
• And I believe in equality, equality for everyone.. no matter how stupid they are, or how much better I am than they are.
• And, people say I'm crazy for believing this, but I believe that robots are stealing my luggage.
• And I believe I made a mistake when I bought a 30-story 1-bedroom apartment.
• And I believe the Battle of the Network Stars should be fought with guns.
• And I believe that Ronald Reagan can make this country what it once was - an arctic region covered with ice.
• And, lastly, I believe that of all the evils on this earth, there is nothing worse than the music you're listening to right now.

That's what I believe.

Question of the Day

Has anyone ever done this to someone, or had it happen to them?

• Someone will repeatedly post comments on your site, nothing rude or inappropriate, and you ignore them?
• You post comments on someone's Blog, again, nothing rude or inappropriate, and they ignore you? Usually you have Bloggers in common.

How does it make you feel? Just curious.

08.04.05 RAK Revisited

Well yesterday was my weekly RAK experiment in the city. I have noticed that the usual 'subjects' of my RAK (Random Acts of Kindness) have been attractive women of any age - beauty is timeless, hippie hikers, and homeless men (okaaayy?) I thought that I would try something different for a change. I was getting on the #57 bus to get ready to head home to my car, and I spotted a rather not particularly attractive, young, slightly overweight woman behind me. I asked her if she would mind if I paid her bus fare. She looked at me like I was Joel Rifkin and managed to squeak out a 'why?' I tried to explain that I try to do something nice for someone I don't know when I can. She thought I was a friggin psychopath! I paid for her anyway, then made my way to the back of the bus, passing some empty seats and stood there. She grabbed the nearest seat she could, and not once glanced my way. I'm sure she thought she was going to be killed by me. I kind of chuckled at how my RAK was interpreted by her. My conclusion, I'll stick with the 3 options above.

Man's Best Friend

Soup's on!
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20050803/ap_on_sc/dog_clone

08.03.05 I Married Lisa Douglas

I'd say this is our house, but the roof looks too good. I live in a small town in NY state. It's not quite Hooterville, but it's not that far removed from it. But that, is not where the similarity ends. I happened to have married Lisa Douglas.














Let me explain a little further...She's a smart, attractive, talented, a good Mom, good wife, good friend, but she can not cook to save her (or our) life! I got home from work yesterday, and noticed that our 2 qt saucepan was all burned on the inside. Many people (or husbands) might suspect that she was trying to prepare some difficult culinary delight for her 'hard workin' man. When I asked what happened, she said 'I was boiling an egg'. I was speechless. I mean, how hard is it to boil an egg. You first, fill the saucepan with water, then you place an egg in it. You bring it to a boil, turn the heat down (or off) and set a timer and let it sit for 15-20 minutes. That's pretty much it. But, her style if to put water in, maybe enough, maybe not. Turn the heat up FULL BLAST, walk away, wait for her timer (the smoke alarm) to go off, then get a screwdriver or my $40 Henkle paring knife to scrape off the carbonized food matter, Brillo the shit out of the pan to try to hide the evidence. Fumigate the room, then have some cereal. The times she tries to cook, she refuses to follow a recipe. She thinks her expertise will carry her through. I am probably one of the few men, who when I went in to the hospital, the whole family lost weight! We use her meatloaf as a threat to our boys to get them to do their chores. I cook because I like it, it's relaxing, it's almost like making love. You nurture the food and bring out it's flavor for an sensual experience.
I could use a night or two off. It would be nice.
I think I need a 'FUCK HOUSEWORK' apron or something.
-signed, starving in NY

08.02.05 He's B - A - C - K

Just when you thought it was safe to
wear pink shorts and an orange shirt!
The Fashion Shark attacks!

08.01.05 What a Sneaky Move

Bush Appoints Bolton As U.N. Ambassador
I don't want this to be a political Blog. So why did I post this you may ask? I think it's a sneaky political move. It's like waiting for the teacher to be out of the room, then throwing an eraser at someone. Politics is a dangerous subject because people have such strong emotions about it (along with religion and money). This will be my only political statement (and it goes for BOTH parties)