9.10.2005
09.10.05 Smart appliances are a real stupid idea
By Dave Barry
An article in The Washington Post explains how the appliance manufacturers plan to drive consumers insane. I can't think of anything to say, plus today is the Cheese Festival in town...
Of course, they don't SAY they want to drive us insane. What they SAY they want to do is have us live in homes where "all appliances are on the Internet, sharing information" and appliances will be "smarter than most of their owners." For example, the article states, you would have a home where the dishwasher "can be turned on from the office" and the refrigerator "knows when it's out of milk" and the bathroom scale "transmits your weight to the gym."
I wonder whether the appliance manufacturers, with all due respect, have been smoking crack. I mean, did they ever stop to ask themselves why a consumer, after loading a dishwasher, would go to the office to start it? Would there be some kind of career benefit?
YOUR BOSS: What are you doing?
YOU (tapping computer keyboard): I'm starting my dishwasher!
YOUR BOSS: That's the kind of productivity we need around here!
YOU: Now I'm flushing the upstairs toilet!
Listen, appliance manufacturers: We don't need a dishwasher that we can communicate with from afar. If you want to improve our dishwashers, give us one that senses when people leave dirty dishes on the kitchen counter, and shouts at them: "PUT THOSE DISHES IN THE DISHWASHER RIGHT NOW OR I'LL LEAK ALL OVER YOUR SHOES!" Likewise, we don't need a refrigerator that knows when it's out of milk. We already have a foolproof system for determining if we're out of milk: We ask our wife. What we could use is a refrigerator that refuses to let us open its door when it senses that we are about to consume our fourth Jell-O Pudding Snack in two hours.
As for a scale that transmits our weight to the gym: Are they nuts? We don't want our weight transmitted to our own eyeballs! What if the gym decided to transmit our weight to all these other appliances on the Internet? What if, God forbid, our refrigerator found out what our weight was? We'd never get the door open again! But here is what really concerns me about these new "smart" appliances: Even if we like the features, we won't be able to use them. We can't use the appliance features we have now. I have a feature-packed telephone with 43 buttons, at least 20 of which I am afraid to touch. This phone probably can communicate with the dead, but I don't know how to operate it, just as I don't know how to operate my TV, which has features out the wazooty and requires three remote controls. One control (44 buttons) came with the TV; a second (39 buttons) came with the VCR; the third (37 buttons) was brought here by the cable-TV man, who apparently felt that I did not have enough buttons.
So when I want to watch TV, I'm confronted with a total of 120 buttons, identified by such helpful labels as PIP, MTS, DBS, F2, JUMP and BLANK.
And now the appliance manufacturers want to give us even more features. Do you know what this means? It means that some night you'll open the door of your "smart" refrigerator, looking for a beer, and you'll hear a pleasant, cheerful voice - recorded by the same woman who informs you that Your Call Is Important when you call a business that does not wish to speak with you personally - telling you: "Your celery is limp." You will not know how your refrigerator knows this, and, what is worse, you will not know who else your refrigerator is telling about it ("Hey, Bob! I hear your celery is limp!").
Is this the kind of future you want, consumers? Do you want appliances that are smarter than you? Of course not. Your appliances should be DUMBER than you, just like your furniture, your pets and your representatives in Congress. So I am urging you to let the appliance industry know, by phone, letter, fax and E-mail, that when it comes to "smart" appliances, you vote NO. You need to act quickly. Because while you're reading this, your microwave oven is voting YES.
An article in The Washington Post explains how the appliance manufacturers plan to drive consumers insane. I can't think of anything to say, plus today is the Cheese Festival in town...
Of course, they don't SAY they want to drive us insane. What they SAY they want to do is have us live in homes where "all appliances are on the Internet, sharing information" and appliances will be "smarter than most of their owners." For example, the article states, you would have a home where the dishwasher "can be turned on from the office" and the refrigerator "knows when it's out of milk" and the bathroom scale "transmits your weight to the gym."
I wonder whether the appliance manufacturers, with all due respect, have been smoking crack. I mean, did they ever stop to ask themselves why a consumer, after loading a dishwasher, would go to the office to start it? Would there be some kind of career benefit?
YOUR BOSS: What are you doing?
YOU (tapping computer keyboard): I'm starting my dishwasher!
YOUR BOSS: That's the kind of productivity we need around here!
YOU: Now I'm flushing the upstairs toilet!
Listen, appliance manufacturers: We don't need a dishwasher that we can communicate with from afar. If you want to improve our dishwashers, give us one that senses when people leave dirty dishes on the kitchen counter, and shouts at them: "PUT THOSE DISHES IN THE DISHWASHER RIGHT NOW OR I'LL LEAK ALL OVER YOUR SHOES!" Likewise, we don't need a refrigerator that knows when it's out of milk. We already have a foolproof system for determining if we're out of milk: We ask our wife. What we could use is a refrigerator that refuses to let us open its door when it senses that we are about to consume our fourth Jell-O Pudding Snack in two hours.
As for a scale that transmits our weight to the gym: Are they nuts? We don't want our weight transmitted to our own eyeballs! What if the gym decided to transmit our weight to all these other appliances on the Internet? What if, God forbid, our refrigerator found out what our weight was? We'd never get the door open again! But here is what really concerns me about these new "smart" appliances: Even if we like the features, we won't be able to use them. We can't use the appliance features we have now. I have a feature-packed telephone with 43 buttons, at least 20 of which I am afraid to touch. This phone probably can communicate with the dead, but I don't know how to operate it, just as I don't know how to operate my TV, which has features out the wazooty and requires three remote controls. One control (44 buttons) came with the TV; a second (39 buttons) came with the VCR; the third (37 buttons) was brought here by the cable-TV man, who apparently felt that I did not have enough buttons.
So when I want to watch TV, I'm confronted with a total of 120 buttons, identified by such helpful labels as PIP, MTS, DBS, F2, JUMP and BLANK.
And now the appliance manufacturers want to give us even more features. Do you know what this means? It means that some night you'll open the door of your "smart" refrigerator, looking for a beer, and you'll hear a pleasant, cheerful voice - recorded by the same woman who informs you that Your Call Is Important when you call a business that does not wish to speak with you personally - telling you: "Your celery is limp." You will not know how your refrigerator knows this, and, what is worse, you will not know who else your refrigerator is telling about it ("Hey, Bob! I hear your celery is limp!").
Is this the kind of future you want, consumers? Do you want appliances that are smarter than you? Of course not. Your appliances should be DUMBER than you, just like your furniture, your pets and your representatives in Congress. So I am urging you to let the appliance industry know, by phone, letter, fax and E-mail, that when it comes to "smart" appliances, you vote NO. You need to act quickly. Because while you're reading this, your microwave oven is voting YES.
9.09.2005
09.09.05 Time Out
On Grif's second day of school, he got a time out. He says he doesnt' remember why. We sent a note to the teacher to see if she remembers.....more to come. It may be a l o n g year.
9.07.2005
09.07.05 They Survived!
They survived it. Grif had his first day of kindergarten. He had been in a 1/2 preschool for two years that had horses, chickens, rabbits and dogs. It was a great place. Now he has hit the big time with fullday kindergarten. My wife walked him down to the bus, a tear in her eye. He got on the bus ok, but our older son advised him to sit in the back 'because it's cool'. Well, I think the fumes got to him along with the bump, not to metion tha 'fat kid' that sat next to him who later threatened to rip his head off once they got to school. Gee, I can't wait to meet the parents. If it happens today it will be time to have a talkin to the teacher and to tell Grif is this kid gives him any shit, clobber him. He's a tough little dude. Dylan had a good day in the 6th grade, it's a different school for him and they have to change classes throughout the day. They also have a pool there so that is way cool. He is in the music program so that will mean getting him there early 2-3 days a week which will be my job. Here they are after a long day.
9.06.2005
I Had To Rescue Yet Another Egg
Yes folks, I came home today after a long day, and had to rescue yet another egg.
09.06.05 Freak Storm
This was so amazing. Yesterday it was a beautiful 85 degrees in NY State. Then suddenly, it got colder and colder. When I woke up this morning, this is what I saw. My kids were delighted that there was already a snow day on the first day of school.
9.05.2005
09.05.05 Summer's Over
Wow, where did it go? It seems like only yesterday it was Memorial Day. This was such a great weekend, the weather was fantastic, I went to the movies with my wife, we had a playdate too. We barbequed with family today and now the kids are returning to school tomorrow. Of course there are things they need that I have to run out for now. Grif need little crayons, and big crayons plus markers. I think this really isn't school for him. He's just going to play somewhere else. Some racket! He will also take the bus to school for the first time and Dyl will be in a new school. It's exciting, I wish I could see them off. I have to go to the city for #31 tomorrow....
9.04.2005
Had to do it - sorry.....
I just had to enable the 'word verification' feature for the blog, too much spam, not enough eggs. But I just realized something. For all of you expectant parents out there, this could be used as a funky name generator.
09.04.05 Just Some Stuff
I think I have Writer's Blog. I don't know what to say,
so instead of saying nothing, I posted some recent photos.
The Empire State Building
View of the Chrysler Building
Morning Glorys (taken this morning so they're fresh)
The Grif
so instead of saying nothing, I posted some recent photos.
The Empire State Building
View of the Chrysler Building
Morning Glorys (taken this morning so they're fresh)
The Grif
9.02.2005
09.02.05 Where's Andy's MoJo?
I was lucky enough to get tickets for the US Open tennis tournament this past Thursday. There has been this enormous ad campaign by American Express with AndyRoddick where he is 'Looking For His Mojo'. Even when we got on the number 7 subway to go out to Flushing Queens, all of the ads were about Andy's mojo. We got off the subway and walked down the boardwalk over to the stadium, and yes, even more signs about his mojo. Well, Roddick had the mojo kicked out of him the day before and he may never find it again. Anyway, my brother and I made our way to the stadium and got in line. The security if incredible at this event now. We were on the express line which meant that we pretty much had the shirts on our backs and that was all. Even then there were delays because the radiation detector that prevents people from bringing in their nuclear weapons kept going off. I hate when that happens, it's so embarassing! Once inside, we grabbed some $25 hot dogs and went to our seats. My brother was able to get $400 seats (for free) that were 8 rows back, at the end of the court. Very good indeed.
We saw Justine Henin-Hardenne play, Lindsay Davenport play and Andre Agassi play. The were good matches. I won't bore you with the details and I'm surprised if many people are even still reading this. I somehow don't see my 'readers' as big tennis fans... All in all, it was a great day. It was nice to be back at the open, the weather was fantastic and it's always a treat to go, especially when you have great seats. This photo was taken with my camera phone. It's Agassi. It shows where our seats were. Anyway, I have to go find my mojo now....