What I Believe.
- "I believe in rainbows and puppy dogs and fairy tales.
- And I believe in the family - Mom and Dad and Grandma.. and Uncle Tom, who waves his penis.
- And I believe 8 of the 10 Commandments.
- And I believe in going to church every Sunday, unless there's a game on.
- And I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, wholesome and natural things.. that money can buy.
- And I believe it's derogatory to refer to a woman's breasts as "boobs", "jugs", "winnebagos" or "golden bozos".. and that you should only refer to them as "hooters".
- And I believe you should put a woman on a pedestal.. high enough so you can look up her dress.
- And I believe in equality, equality for everyone.. no matter how stupid they are, or how much better I am than they are.
- And, people say I'm crazy for believing this, but I believe that robots are stealing my luggage.
- And I believe I made a mistake when I bought a 30-story 1-bedroom apartment.
- And I believe the Battle of the Network Stars should be fought with guns.
- And I believe that Ronald Reagan can make this country what it once was - an arctic region covered with ice.
- And, lastly, I believe that of all the evils on this earth, there is nothing worse than the music you're listening to right now.
That's what I believe. 
7 comments:
LOL! Man it has been great being on leave all week and starting my day off with your humor.
That is much better than running 3 miles at 6:30 and listening to our senior NCO hollering to "pick up the pace".
Maybe on Monday I should turn him onto your blog.... Nah, it might soften him up too much.
Too funny! Quote some George Carlin next!!
Hilarious stuff.
Why does everybody think this is funny? (sniffs, wipes eyes)
Did you get this from NPR?
I [heart] Steve Martin with a passion; in fact, I just watched _Parenthood_ a few nights ago & loved it all over again . . .
Phil,
Your music is fantastic. Tears and Moondance are awesome..
I looove Steve Martin. We named our Black Lab Navin R Johnson after the character Steve Martin played in the jerk. Afterall, our dog "Was born a poor black child."
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